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Cash apologises for cat chaos

There were emotional scenes at Parliament House in Canberra today as Michaelia Cash apologised for smuggling her cat, Henrietta, into the Senate chamber.

Last Thursday, there was chaos on the red carpet of the senate when Henrietta took fright during a speech by Senator David Leyonhjelm. “David was banging on about quolls, “ said Senator Dastyari, when suddenly this crazy cat appeared, frothing, scratching and shitting its way around the chamber. It was a nightmare.”

The animal was finally cornered and restrained by the Usher of the Black Rod, and then escorted from the chamber, accompanied by a tearful Senator Cash. Several other senators were treated for minor scratches, and the chamber was closed for the rest of the session while it was disinfected.

According to Cash, Henrietta routinely accompanied her to Canberra when parliament was in session because the cat became “frettish, scratchy and scaredy-waredy” when alone with Cash's husband. “I really don’t trust Richard with her,” Cash said.

Cash went on to explain that on arriving in Canberra on the morning of the incident, she discovered that the ‘Four Seasons Day Cattery and Spa’ had closed its doors due to an outbreak of mange. There were no other positions available anywhere at other catteries in the city due to the annual conference of the Australian Crochet Association being held this week in Canberra.

“I started to panic a bit,” reported Cash. “I made a snap decision to take Henry with me to the other place. You see, I’ve trained her, when needed, to sit quietly on my head, mainly to save time at the airport. I prefer to travel carry-on only and it is a bit of a pain in the arse to check the cage in and all. It’s quite comforting to have her on my head for the flight, especially on the red-eye,” said Cash. “She’s basically undetectable. Geoff, Rubin and the other guys on security at Parliament House didn’t give me a second look.”

Leader of the Opposition in the Senate, Penny Wong, ruled out a censure motion against Senator Cash for bringing an unelected cat into the chamber. “There’s no need to bring politics into this,” said Wong. “Michaelia has been through a tough experience. She made a poor decision, but I’m not sure I wouldn’t have made the same one if Mrs Minnie Meowington had nowhere to go.” Senator Wong said that she would give her “in principle support” to the construction of a cattery at Parliament House.

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