NQ Open Final: The conquistador and the poet emperor.
MATCH SUMMARY: From Kimberly Schloss at Cairns Park
Set 1: Nadal plays like a conquistador who has landed at Santo Domingo and is swinging his cutlass and looking for gold. Federer plays like a slightly confused poet king.
Set 2: Federer plays like a slightly less confused poet king. Nadal plays like a conquistador who realises that the Aztecs are bad dudes.
Set 3: Federer plays like a poet emperor. Nadal plays like a conquistador who suddenly realises that someone has been giving guns to the Aztecs.
Set 4: Nadal plays like he has rooted out the traitorous arms merchants and is forcing the Aztecs to cover up their culture with alabaster. Federer plays like a poet king with a sore arse who lets his people eat cake, but it tastes like alabaster.
Set 5: Nadal plays like he realises that shared power is the best option and he'll still get some gold. Federer is jubilant.
1. Notwithstanding unknown aspects of the post-match ritual, Nadal's dark-eyed girlfriend needs poker training.
2. Bring back Mirka's tiger pajamas.
3. What is the point of thirty-all? It's the same as deuce. Let's just call it deuce and further confuse the scoring system.