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"Malanda chronic sicker than Mexican shit-weed" says expert.

Mr Murray 'Jane' Simmonds (above), spokesman for the Mareeba Jay Keef Collective, the peak body for marijuana dealers in FNQ, has spoken out against the Australian Government's plan to legalise the import of medicinal marijuana.

"Those southern fuckers are fucking crazy," he declared. "If some soccer-bitch up here needs some lettuce cos their kiddy's cracking the shits, all they gotta do is call me or me half-brother Kurt. Simple. We'll fix them up and it'll be way cheaper than some Mexican shit-weed. We got plenty of the frosty too."

Mayor of Mareeba, 'Big' Tom Gilmore, has ruled out engaging the services of the Collective for the distribution of the medical service. "Look, they probably provide a pretty good service to the Atherton tradies, but Jane and Kurt are going to have to pick up a cert four in public health before we let them anywhere near a pharmacy," said Big Tom.

Mr Simmonds cited this response as more evidence that the vocational education system was vastly over-regulated. "You can't even take a shit anymore without getting a cert two in flushing," he said.

President of the FNQMA, Tony Carbone, has been reserved about the introduction of the medication in the health system, saying that more clinical information was required so that doctors can make informed decisions in treating their patients.


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