Cowboys ready to go back-to-back!
With one sleep to go until the season launch, the Cowboys backroom staff have everything under control in preparation for the opening match against the Canberra Raiders.
"We're looking at going back-to-back in twenty-seventeen^", enthused Chef de Mission at 1300SMILES Stadium, Bob Bliss. "The whole setup team has been working hard for the last week getting ready, and no battleship has been left unfloated."
Mr Bliss outlined some of the detail that was required to put on a big-time entertainment event involving rugby league players and their molls. "They've all got pretty specific riders," explained Mr Bliss. "We've got a database set up. Off the top of my head, Josh Pappalii wants two family sized Dominos Meat-Lovers with anchovies at half time, and a crate of Somersby after the game. Coen Hess will only drink glühwein."
Bliss (above) spent the morning swimming off the esplanade unsuccessfully trying to catch an errant croc that had been lurking in the area, as it is "not unheard of for Rabbits to fall in the drink after a close game and a few pernods. Looks like we'll have to fly Red Robbins down from Cairns tomorrow to sort it out."
"Actually we've had to set up a special unit to manage the talking-heads," he added. "What a bunch of prima-donnas. That fucker Gus Gould is staying at Jupiters and insisting on a bath of Veuve Clicqot drawn by two unmarried Filipino ladies. Those are hard to find - the pretty ones are snapped up by the Hooahs up here. Brent Tate is recovering from a neck operation in Cairns, so he needs extra hay put in his stables. And Joey-Johns just wants a teener of frosty, a dozen scooby-snacks and an unmade bed. Actually, just in case Joey needs to take a quip kip at Townsville airport on the way out, we've set up a hammock for him in the departures area. Anything for an immortal."
The Cowboys, led by FNQotY Jonathan Thurston are expected to completely smash the Raiders tomorrow night.
^According to the 2016 yearbook, the NQRL doesn't recognise the title won by Cronulla last year as it was tainted by "Sydney peptides and bullshit".