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Two-Bob's plan: Close the borders, Secession and Revolution

Cairns Regional Council Divison 2 representative John 'Two-Bob' Schilling has called for Far North Queensland to secede from North Queensland.

"It is increasing difficult to reconcile our cultural differences with those jokers in The Ville," declared Schilling yesterday at a peanut-industry conference in Walkamin. "We're all about the 'fair go' and the tropical lifestyle up here and they are so fucking mercenary. It's time we cut them loose."

Schilling has been strident in recent times about border protection against "the rising threat of Islamism and Sombreroism" from Australia. He alleged that "the Cairns Council is rotten with Mexicans, and those clowns in Townsville won't even properly fortify the Sarina boom-gates. Nothing is stopping any crazy fucker driving up the Bruce in their drug-addled prestige European vehicles with a boot-full of all sorts of fanatical mischief."

Ever since the formation of the Tropical Federation of North Queenland, the Sarina border-crossing with Australia (pictured above) has been subject to controversy. The original concept of a ten-foot brick barrier topped with recycled sharks' teeth, the brain-child of inaugural NQ Governor-General Sir Laurie Lawrence, fell over in the design stage. There were no injuries, but the wall has since been entangled in departmental red-tape and mired in shifting central Queensland sands. The German engineering firm, Wandmacher Und Brecher Berlin GmbH, have been employed to sort out the mess, but it is unlikely that any solution will be forthcoming before the next wet season.

Schilling will present his secession plans for what he terms "The Cardwell Line" to Council on Tuesday and has intimated at significant support within caucus and among the Cowboy forward pack. "Can't mention any names," said Councillor Schilling from his Kewarra Beach mansion, "but we've got a certain bullet-headed champion with an infected leg on board with the plan. It's the first half-step towards revolution."

The Cowboys run out tonight in the season opener against the utterly hopeless Raiders who have lost their last eighty matches at 'The Ville'.


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