PM slams Kim Jong-un, Skippy to return, despite 'pretty good Korean'
Prime Minister Val Shier has made her strongest condemnation yet against the increasingly disturbing nuclear threat posed by North Korea. The tinpot, madcap, creepy little nation has long been a very good friend of North Queensland, but their recent technical advances in missile capability have cooled relations markedly.
The North Korean KN-14 rockets (pictured above), as yet untested, are understood to have the capability of reaching and destroying all major North Queensland cities. Analysts believe that Hartley's Crocodile Adventures, Cowboys House and the Tolga Spaceport are primary targets.
In this afternoon's press conference in the BrickHouse, Shier did not mince her words. She called for complete and unconditional cessation of all North Korea's missile development programs.
This represents a significant change to Shier's position. Just six months ago on a state visit to Pyongyang, she had talked about stretching out the "hand of friendship" to Kim Jong-un, who she described as "funny, devilishly handsome, and a great canasta player."
From her comments today, however, it became apparent that the close relationship may have soured.
The PM described Mr Jong-un as a "deceitful, racist, fart-swallower with a smallish dick, even for a dwarf" and that she would be no longer be holidaying in Nampo. In addition, she will be recalling the Ambassador, Sir Geoff Huegill, from Pyongyang, even though he had learned to speak "pretty good Korean". Shier did not rule out accelerating our own nuclear program in a "proportionate and sober response to the actions of these crazy 'bowl-heads'".
Since secession, North Queensland has declined to ratify the international Nuclear Non-proliferation Treaty. Reportedly, in 2016, scientists from William Bligh University succeeded in splitting the nucleus of several complex molecules. They have projected that a test of the explosive power of their technology will be conducted on an unspecified Whitsunday island in early 2018.