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A conversation with Sir Geoff Huegill



PERSONALITIES: conversations with Shirley-Higgins Croft

Sir Geoff Huegill, Olympian, motivational speaker and lately Ambassador to North Korea, has been recalled by PM Val Shier due to the rising nuclear threat from the ridiculous little totalitarian dictatorship. He arrived in the country this morning and spoke with Shirley Higgins-Croft at the Skybury Coffeeshop at Cairns airport:

Shirley Higgins-Croft: Good morning, Sir Geoff, thanks for agreeing to talk to the Plain Dealer.

Sir Geoff Huegill: Well good morning to you, Shirley, you look lovely this morning. It's a pleasure to talk to you.

SHC: Thanks, Sir Geoff. You've been rushed back to Australia by the PM. It seems that she wants to make a strong stand on the nuclear issue?

SGH: Please, please, Shirley, no need for such formality. Please call me Sir Skippy. To answer your question, yes, it's getting pretty serious with those big fucking VN-14 rockets. One of those suckers would put a hole in civilisation, let me tell you.

SHC: So what was your assessment of the North Korean's intent, if any, of actually deploying their nuclear capability in any kind of, for want of a better word, whoop-ass sort of way?

SGH: My role is, by its nature, a political and diplomatic one. I was never privy to any operational detail from either side. But if I had to guess, I'd say that Kimbo has a itch on his button finger and he wants to go all Nagasaki. And soon.

SHC: So, Sir Skippy, you did have some dealings with Kim Jong-un himself?

SGH: Oh, yes, he was always in and out of the North Queensland Embassy. And we were on a trivia team together at the Cuban Consulate every Wednesday night.

SHC: A trivia night? That sounds a bit unusual.

SGH: Oh, Kimbo was mad for them. He and I made a great team. You see, I don't know much about North Korean history and he knows fuck-all about swimming and media marketing. We kinduv covered each other's blind spots.

SHC: Sir Skippy, did you, by any chance have the occasional win at these trivia nights?

SGH: Fuck yeah. We won every week. The Russians and the Chinese know fuck-all about Thorpie and Dawn. Dumb pricks. We cleaned up. I took home a slab of Pyongyang Pilsner every week.

SHC: So will you miss North Korea?

SGH: I'll miss Friday afternoon happy-hours in the Embassy courtyard with Lady Sara and the staffers. The rest of it was pretty fucking boring.

SHC: So where to from here, Sir Skippy?

SGH: Shirl, that's the question, isn't it. I'd just gotten to the stage with my Korean where I could have some meaningful discussions about the dialectic and dolphin kicks and that. Really disappointing to be leaving now. Bloody Cathy Freeman has got the Seoul gig wrapped up, and her Korean is pinpoint. So no guernsey there. It's possible that Mexico might be coming up because from what I heard Wendell has really fucked up over there. We'll see. For the moment I've got a debriefing with NQSIO and Waleed wants me for a residency on the Project.

SHC: Sir Skippy, it has been a most interesting discussion. Good luck, and thank you so much for your time.

SGH: My pleasure Shirley, 셜리, 제발 코카인을 가져 가지 마라..

SHC: 존중, 스키 피

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