Cowboys release official nickname list
Following yesterday's crucial loss against the underperforming Dragons, the Cowboys brains-trust held an impromptu Easter media conference to announce a list of official team nicknames. This was to alleviate any confusion on social-media posts about which player was being referred to by otherwise meaningless soubriquets.
In a lavish affair held at the Bet365 Auditorium at Cowboys House, CEO Greg Tonner unveiled the list, which contained a few familiar names and a few surprises. The names were chosen based on fan votes and input from players and coaching staff. Where possible, several nicknames have been ratified for each player, including short ones that will help tweeters fit inside the character limits.
Forward Ethan Lowe was thrilled with his tally of 16 nicknames, more than any other player. "One or two of them are a bit left-field," he said, "but I'd be proud to have any Cows fan cheering me on, whatever they call me."
Balmain great, Steve Roche, covered the event for WIN television and was greeted by a crowd of unruly Cowboys fans unhappy with his call of the game against the Tigers.
"His shorts are up too high and he can't hold his tequila," claimed Morrie Goodwin of Brinsmead. "He's worse than Gus. As far as I'm concerned he can fuck off back to Sydney."
The list of official nicknames is reproduced below. The Cowboys are expected to annihilate the lacklustre Knights on Saturday at The Smiles.
John Asiata: Jonno, Ass-man, Mr Football.
Scott Bolton: Bolts, Scotty, ScoBol.
Javid Bowen: Javelin, Ladykiller, The Nephew.
Josh Chudleigh: Joshy, Chudders, Chubby, Chalk-bones.
Gavin Cooper: Gav, Scooper, Trooper, Snooper, Pooper.
Lachlan Coote: Cootie, Little Fella, Dessert Wine.
Kyle Feldt: Carl, Fallover Feldt, Fumble Feldt, Feel-Feeling-Feldt, The Equalizer.
Shaun Fensom: Shauno, Fenny, Little-Dick, Blandsome.
Gideon Gela-Mosby: Giddy, Giddy-up.
Jake Granville: Jako, Ugly.
Ben Hampton: BH, Benny, Dummy.
Coen Hess: The German, Das But, The Final Solution, Herman, Rudolph, The Brown Shirt, The Luftwacker, Das But, Das Big But.
Sam Hoare: Horey, Prossie, The Trick, Sambo, Delilah.
Shaun Hudson: Huddo, Shudson, Blandsome.
Corey Jensen: One-S, Snorey, Benson, Stiffy, Blandsome, Three-Towels.
Marcus Jenssen: Marco, SkiGod, George, Blandsome.
Patrick Kaufusi: Corfu, Kauf, Confuser, Knees.
Kyle Laybutt: ButtMan, The Butt, Butter, KayButt, Smelly.
Kane Linnett: The Bully, The Schoolyard Bully, Kano, Monobrow.
Ethan Lowe: WolfKnee, The Dealer, The Score, The Scratch, The Sniff, The Deal, The Pill, The Mad Hatter, The Hook, The Mule, The Entrepreneur, The Accused, The Defendant, The Candy-Man, Doctor Robert, Schmacko.
Patrick Mago: Patty, Pat, Magoo, Mr Magoo, Mango, Mr Mango.
Michael Morgan: Morgo, GoYourself, The M's, Muff Magnet.
Justin O'Neill: Clubman, Jussie, The Pool-Cleaner, JON.
Kalyn Ponga: Stinky, Moneybags, Ping.
Matthew Scott: Bullethead, BlockHead, BigHead, RockHead, The Head, Matty, Scotty, Cap, Hat, The Hat Model, THe Haberdasher, Rug, Handsome Man, Handsome Head.
Ben Spina: Benny, Spiney, Anteater, Echidna, Cactus.
Jason Taumalolo: The Human Cannonball, The Cannonball, Jay't'lolo, Moab, Sir.
Ray Thomson: Thommo, Curly, The Admino-man.
Jonathan Thurston: JT.
Braden Uele: Brados, BU, Uke.
Antonio Winterstein: Tone, The Triple Entente, Tripod.
Shane Wright: Shane.