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Ringo Laid to Rest

Former First Dog, Ringo, was laid to rest yesterday at a private ceremony at YAPS Smithfield, alongside his brothers Cozy, Keith and Buddy, and sister, Karen.

Ringo's youngest sister, Meg, was euthanized yesterday over reported "grief and shitting issues" and will be joining her siblings in the next few days.

Duty gravedigger at the Royal Smithfield Cemetery, Blayden Clutterbuck (above), was kind enough to give the Plain Dealer an exclusive interview about his role in the ceremony.

"I dug a smallish hole," related Blayden. "Then I dug a bit more. Then I bunged Ringo down in the hole I dug. I had to move Keith aside and bung Ringo in the space between Buddy and Karen. Cozy was nowhere to be seen. Not surprising; there was some crazy shit going down around here after Kewarra. After smoko, I filled in the hole and stamped it down a bit. Then I stamped it a bit more and called it a day."

In other news, the incumbent First Dog, Digger, has just been announced as the new Number One Ticket Holder for the Mackay Cutters, replacing Geoff Huegill.


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