• murmur4

August Classifieds


Wanted: Blackboard Artist for northern beaches eatery. No innuendo. $30 a pop and a slice of Portofino. @lunicos

Published Yungaburra impersonator/writer/proctologist looking for middle-aged men to talk about their first prostate examination for upcoming coffee-table book. @left-right-done

Recently divorced forty-five year-old woman looking for geekish type to explain how to set up Tinder. Payment in kind. Teenagers only. No furries. @cougartime.

NQ film production company looking for unmarried Sikh gentlemen for refractory testing. Turbans OK. 0455657654.

Wanted: Used pregnancy test kit (positive) for boyfriend commitment management purposes. @jodielovesdane

Wanted: Chicken nuggets, pref lukewarm for delivery to Smithfield location. Top dollar. Expect payment in bitcoin.@chris_croc_esquire.

Personal Services

Experienced merkin couturier visiting Cairns for formal season. Fittings for bespoke items available at our salon in Abbot Street in September only. Limited places available. Contact us at: @muffmagnet or merkins@merkins.com.mk

From me to you

Hey Luna, you skinny ice-whore bitch's bitch. I took a survey. Rubin rubbed his cock against every girl on the ponderosa and found one desperate enough to bend over. Spoiler alert: that's you, bitch. Look behind you and squint your eyes and...look...you're being fucked by a gorilla. Look ahead and...wait...aaarrrgh...a mirror...is that an ugly mole being fucked by a gorilla? Fuck yeah!

Hey Luna, PS, I think Samytage is super hot, bitch. Zingah!

Looking for Love

Passionate gay lefty woman looking for huffy, easily-offended like-minded woman for cause identification, handle-flying, do-gooding, placard painting and rally attending. No DiFranco fans. @shayblue.

For Sale

Organically grown oranges for sale. Your master will love them and your mistress will love you for them. Price negotiable. @offred.

For sale: Unique artworks designed and produced by conscious crocodilian methods. Will swap for bandwidth or chicken sweetmeats. @chris_croc_esquire


The first annual North Queensland Pigeon Racing and Husband Swap Championship will take place in the first week of October at Yorkey's Knob. Hijabis welcome. @nqprhsc


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