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Taylor slides sideways to sport



Management at Nine Far North Queensland has confirmed that veteran newscaster and champion rope-man, Paul Taylor, has been reassigned from his longtime role as anchorman for the network's main evening bulletin.

Taylor is a doyen of the profession, and won a record five consecutive North Queensland Newscasters Awards for "Best Squint" in addition to his two "Best Anchor" Ghidellas in 2014 and 2015.

Pundits have been opining that Taylor's performances at studio-level have been in decline, with his contested segues and banter a particular cause for concern.

Taylor's agent, Mitzi Heffernan of Tropical Talent has denied claims that the move has in any way been a demotion, and in fact Taylor himself has engineered his change to sport presenter.

"PayTay has done all he can as anchor," explained Miss Heffernan. "He's covered Larry, JT, Yasi, Karl's gold logie and so many croc stories. He was in the seat the night of the seven-tackle cowspiracy. News doesn't get bigger than that. He doesn't want to go on and on and turn into a sad fuck like Bruce Paige. A sideways move to sports means that he has the spare time to catch up on his Korean language and bondage skills and get back to work on his novel. No one needs to worry. Believe me, he's still making a shit-tin of money."

Mr Taylor was unavailable for comment.

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