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February Classifieds


Patsies for Yellow Bamboo scam. Must be athletic and good screamers. Compensation is negotiable depending on ability. @yellowbamboo

Miyagi look-alike for YouTube parody. No porn, promise. No yellow bamboo either. @pisstaker

Looking for personal assistant for high profile university crocodile. Must be across deep learning and art. Prefer human. @chris_croc_esquire

Arabic teacher wanted for sports-fan wanting to chat up hijabis at the Twister-B tourney. Must know all positons and peacocking terms. @rodney_likes_jazmine

Personal Services

New in town, Aya, can provide best quality gyaru experience. No blocked numbers. In calls only. Prefer smooth guilo (no hairy backs) and smallish inkei. Good looking young rich men preferred. No hage. @gyaru_aya

From me to you

Mangels, you can't hide forever! I saw you down that hole you gutless grasscutter. Have the money ready before the wrap party or I'll stick a salty where it don't shine. Say hi to Judy. RR.

Looking for Love

Rachel Riley lookalike wanted for outings, and sexual intercourse, maybe more. Must be good at mental arithmetic and innuendo. No Lilys. @RR_coundown_Fan

For Sale

Original handwritten lyrics to Things Can Only Get Better. $50 or will swap for groceries. @tyronefelan


Meteor stikes are real and they are happening to you, especially while you're asleep. Contact Trilby Misso re possible class action

Sudden unexpected vacancies at Royden Apartments, Trinity Beach. Good deals available. No crocs. @royden


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