Ploggers and shoggers to work together
Following the outing of a Brisbane shogger (above) earlier in the week, the Plain Dealer has received a spate of tip-offs reporting similar activity around the city.
President of the Cairns Ploggers, Dayne Youngberry, has confirmed suspicions that shogging, or taking a sneaky shit when on a jog, is an endemic problem in the far north.
"We see shoggers scurrying around every day," said Mr Youngberry. "You can always tell when they are post-excretia because they shoot out of the bushes like billy-o and you can't see them for dust."
Plogging, which involves picking up and disposing of litter while jogging, is an extremely popular activity in Cairns. According to Mr Youngberry, Cairns Ploggers have seven chapters in the region, and over twenty thousand members. Far from being critical of the shoggers, Youngberry was sympathetic to their plight.
"We literally want to throw our support behind and below these shoggers," said Mr Youngberry from his mansion at Bayview Heights. "We ploggers are all about fitness and cleanliness, and the more mess to clean up the happier we are. Plus, we feel sorry for those sad, dirty, sad bastards who get an adrenaline hit out of taking a dump on the sly. We've all been there."
Mr Youngberry has already developed a plan for working with the shoggers to keep the streets clean.
"We just need to synchronise our schedules, pick up some pooper-scoopers from Pet Cafe and buddy-up based on fitness level and location," he said. "Easy peasy. Everyone's a winner."
If you have a shogging report, don't hesitate to contact the Plain Dealer with photographs. Do not contact the Cairns Post.