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Snippy Wu to open in Tolga

A Dr Snippy Wu medical clinic will shortly open in Tolga, and will provide a much needed service to the township.

Dr Helios Wu, founder of the eponymous medical conglomerate has said that the "trouser multinational" has long targeted the Tablelands as a potentially lucrative market-place.

"One must plant the seed, water the garden, till the soil, and wait for the bloom," Dr Wu explained from his headquarters in Shenzhen. "The lucky flower will only come in the springtime. In Tolga, this will be the fortunate time for snipping."

The Dr Snippy Wu clinic will offer a cheap vasectomy service. The so-called 'walk-in crawl-out' procedure will attract a government subsidy so that it is free of charge for most patients.

Prime Minister Val Shier has said that the government would offer an special payment of $10,000 for certain eligible candidates. A second treatment, if required, would attract a further $10,000 payment.

The Plain Dealer has obtained a draft memorandum containing the proposed eligibility criteria which contained a list of eleven attributes, including "neck tattoos", "shiftlessness" and "a history of supporting the Broncos".

The Prime Minister's office was contacted for comment but has not returned our tweets.

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